One of my least favorite parts of planning for a new year is reflecting on the year gone past. Even as an introspective person, I have a really hard time looking back on what was and taking in my accomplishments–and my failures. I am one of those people that like to forget about what happened and focus all of my attention on what’s to come. Unfortunately, there is minimal growth and understanding when operating in this space. It’s very true: You can’t know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve been.
2015 was an interesting year. I started off the year seemingly motivated and ready to take on the world. But in all honesty, I was depressed. I remember the weeks leading up to 2015. I felt empty. Uninspired. It was like I was grasping for something that just eluded my reach. I chalked it up to just being over 2014 and charged ahead. I set goals–half assed goals. I made resolutions–half assed resolutions. I was enthusiastic–half assed enthusiastic. I touted that 2015 would be the year. Deep down, I knew it wouldn’t be. I wasn’t ready. Mentally, emotionally, and physically, I just wasn’t ready.
This year, I’m trying to be different. I can’t say that I’m trying to be better, but I honestly think that by being different, I’ll get to better. Different thought processes, different decision-making processes, different people around me, and just…different. I’ll have to wait and see how that translates as 2016 progresses. Until then, here’s a brief review of 2015.
2015: A Year in Review
- I got serious about blogging (or so I thought) and made some changes, including getting a big girl camera. I spent hours working on this craft–learning about lighting, aperture, iso, and some other stuff that I can’t even remember now. Even though I started out strong, by the end of the year, I hadn’t picked up my camera in months. Every time I opened my trunk, I would see the camera (yeah, I didn’t even bring the camera into the house), I would quickly close it, embarrassed and pissed off at the money I wasted. About a week ago, though, I decided to dust it off and take a few shots. It felt good and I don’t think I’ll be putting it down this year.
- I had 4 jobs. I left my part time job that wasn’t supposed to be a part time job forever, for another job that I had no plans to remain at. I then left that job for a permanent (for now) position with an agency that finally provides me some security and mobility: the government. If I’m to be completely honest, I struggled with these decisions. I felt like I had no direction and I was just, again, grasping for anything that looked like it might work out. And this was a big blow to my self-esteem and confidence. I didn’t know what I was doing and it scared the shit out of me. Now that I have a bit more stability and a plan, I’m feeling a bit more like myself and looking forward to what’s to come. Lastly, I made the decision to leave my on-call job, a job I’ve been at for almost 7 years, just because. 2015 was an interesting year for work.
- I fell into my mommy groove. Motherhood continues to kick my ass on a regular basis–let’s be clear, but in 2015, I found my groove. I gave up serving on boards, and girl scouting, and PTAing, and all the things I used to prove that I was a good mom. My saving grace was finally realizing that I am a good mom (a damn good mom) and I didn’t need all that extraness to prove it. As long as I believed it, it was the truth. The working mom guilt reared it’s head a few times and I admit that I stumbled, but in the end, I regained my footing and trudged on. Before long, I wasn’t trudging anymore and realized that I was leisurely walking through “the jungle.” In 2015, I realized that I am a good mom.
2015 in favorites
Even though 2015 was trying, in true review fashion, I can’t leave the year without sharing those things that made me tingle, made the hair on my arms stand up, or brought me to tears with laughter or sadness. Here goes:
Favorite moment: hands down, Jam not being hospitalized during the whole year. This is the first year in 3 years that she hasn’t been hospitalized for asthma for at least 3-4 days. I am so grateful.
Favorite change: seeing my credit cards with $0.00 as the balance. After paying fees and a little over the minimum balance for years, I finally didn’t have a balance to pay. Very happy about that change.
Favorite songs: Here by Alessia Cara | Runnin’ by Naughty Boy & Beyonce | You Don’t Know by Jill Scott
Favorite album: Woman by Jill Scott
Favorite TV moment: Derek Shepherd’s death on Grey’s Anatomy 🙁
Favorite article: Dear Black Men: You Are Not Pro-Black if You Are Not Pro-Black Women and The Passion of Nicki Minaj (I’m not even a Nicki fan. This interview, though? It was everything.)
Favorite movie: Inside Out
Favorite posts: Making the Best of a Mental Funk | Managing Debt and Living Life | How to Network as an Introvert | 3 Years from 30 | Nostalgic Conversations with Kids | Confidence Boosting Affirmations for Kids | Solo Birthday Celebrations
Favorite books I read this year: Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes | 32 Candles by Ernessa T. Carter | Silver Sparrow by Tayari Jones | The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
And in the spirit of favorites, some of my favorite bloggers also shared their 2015 year in reviews through recipes, videos, and favorite memories. Be sure to check them out: Divas with a Purpose, Mama Harris’ Kitchen, Marg’s World, and Mommy Talk Show.
Here’s to 2016!