Contrary to what folks may hear or believe about me, I am a true negative thinker. Where some folks can look at a situation and only see the good or possibilities, I look and see everything that’s wrong. Show me “perfection” and I will show you flaws. Here are a few things that I tell myself daily, that undermine my quest for joy.
- “I can’t keep doing this every day.” This being waking up early, watching my daughter cry because she has to go to school, commuting to a job I dislike, dealing with people I dislike, feeling like my life is over at 25, thinking that I will never find my purpose, etc, etc.
- “I’ll never get organized enough to make my mornings seamless.”
- “None of this matters anyway.”
- “I hate my life.”
- “I’m not cut out for this.”
- “I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.”
- “One day, it’ll get better.” Because “one day” never comes. I don’t allow it to.
Based on the quote above, I’m already well on my way to becoming actionable with these intentions. It’s only a matter of time before I fulfill
my this destiny. It’s time to find my happy.
Since I’m always down for a little introspection and reflection, I decided to jump on the “30 Things My Kid(s) Should Know About Me” bandwagon. Yeah, go ahead and click because homegirls’ site is off the chain. #ThatIsAll
Wait, no it’s not.
Allow me to give you a few reasons, other than my inability to ignore pretty graphics, as to why I’ve decided to join this challenge.
- There are some things that I will never get around to telling my daughter because I won’t think about them unless she asks.
- I want her to know me as a person and not just as “mommy.” Even at 25, I find that learning about my mom as person…an actual human being with thoughts, feelings, passions, dreams…is fascinating. I mean, who knew my mom was a real person?? News to me…
- I express much more in written form, than I ever have or will verbally. She will learn about this a little more when she gets older and begins to find little love notes in her sock drawer.
- I think it’s cool and will give me something to write about that is outside of my comfort zone. Read: Jordyn, you MUST get out of your comfort zone to really live. Remember, there is no growth inside your comfort zone. Also remember to always wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident and they have to remove your clothes.
So, I’m ready to get started and looking 29 weeks ahead, I should be finishing up sometime around November. Woot! Woot! Let’s do this.
I’ve been out of school for 4 months and 10 days…and I’m going stir crazy. I miss learning. I miss engaging. I miss being motivated. I miss school.
Somebody better shut the front door…
I can’t believe it. I begged, pleaded and prayed to get out of college. I was just so over it. Just over the work, over the people, over the ridiculous busy work and over being tired, worn out and pulled in too many different directions. Now, here I am, not even five months later, bored to tears and ready to head back into the classroom. It’s like I’m going through withdrawals or something. Like Pookie from New Jack City. “It just be callin’ me, man.” School, that is. I mean, I just want to learn. I want to be around like-minded folks who value knowledge and education…because I miss it. I really do.
I guess it’s no surprise that even though I said I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to grad school or not, I’m taking the necessary steps to get the ball rolling. Ugh, I see a PhD in my future. #CantStopWontStop