A few days ago, I spent the majority of my evening catching up on Grey’s Anatomy. Because of my schedule, it’s gotten to the point that I don’t even watch the show on the night it airs anymore. I just catch it on OnDemand during the weekend. It’s become something like a ritual for me. I seem to always catch the right message in the episode at the right time and in the right way. It never fails and the “Do You Know” episode was no exception.
During “Do You Know,” Dr. Cristina Yang asks a man on life support three questions:
- Do you know who you are?
- Do you know what’s happened to you?
- Do you want to live this way?
My heart skipped a beat. I lost my breath. And it was all because I knew. I knew she was talking to me.
On Motherhood and Reinvention
Since I was a young buck, way before I birthed my small-face, I struggled with defining “me.” There was the “me” I presented to the world and then there was the “me” that only I knew. The “me” that I kept locked away for various reasons–fear, bitterness, anger, who knows? After giving birth to Jordyn, the struggle to define who I was, was greater than ever before. How could I model, for my child, authenticity and wholeness, when I was guilty of keeping up a facade, albeit a frayed one, for so many years? I struggled and I struggled hard.
In that struggle, though, I had to acknowledge what had happened to me and what I’d been through. I’m a strong believer in that much of our world is colored by our experiences and because of that, what has happened to you holds just as much weight as what you plan to do about it. My past was just as much a part of my story as my present and what lay ahead for me. But again, I struggled. Because truth be told, it sucks to pick at the scabs that have formed to “protect you.” It sucks and it hurts. It had to be done though, because I didn’t want to live the way I was living.
Motherhood forced me to reinvent myself. I couldn’t be the woman I wanted my daughter to be, if I stayed the woman I was. I would never tell my daughter to stay at a job that she hated or that made her physically ill. So why would I? I would never want my daughter to speak from a place of fear, self-doubt or insincerity. So why was I? Motherhood has allowed me to reinvent myself as the person I was always supposed to be.
Every month, I’ll be revealing the truth about motherhood with other mom writers. This month, our theme is MOTHERHOOD & REINVENTION. Follow the hashtag #NakedMoms and check out the links below for more motherhood and reinvention stories.
Motherhood and Reinvention by Stephanie at When Crazy Meets Exhaustion
Let’s Reinvent The Term: Working Mother by Joyce at Mommy Talk Show
After Motherhood, Any Other Reinvention Is No Big Deal by Jessica at A Parent In America
A Mother On The Cusp Of Reinvention by Thien-Kim at I’m Not The Nanny
Reinventing The Feel by Brandi at Mama Knows It All
Maybe It’s Not Meant To Be by Makeba at MelisaSource