On most mornings, I wake up ready for war. I’m in my hardcore-bring-it-on-cuz-you-don’t-want-none-of-this mode. Between the time that my mind wakes and my body realizes that it’s time to start moving, I’m invincible. I’m ready to make this day count, not allowing BS people or events to throw shade my way. All of this and by the time I’m done with my shower, I’m already drained. Feeling like a hit dog. Scared to face what the world has in store for me…bad or good. Will I be able to handle it? Will this thing be the thing that breaks me? For the life of me, I cannot understand this phenomenon. Why is it so hard to keep the momentum? Why can’t that feeling of invincibility last throughout the day? The month? The year? Our lives?
Every day I wake up with the intentions to do better, be better, live better and love better and some days it happens, but most days it doesn’t. I continue the cycle day in and day out, unable to move the mountains of insecurity, fear, inadequacy and lack of motivation. Unable to truly understand that today is a new.day. Gone are yesterday’s struggles and fears and I have been given the opportunity to try again…and get it right. For reasons that escape me, those kinds of messages do not click and I continue to find myself physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Where did the momentum go? I’m not sure, and possibly never will be sure, but I will keep waking up, trying to reach what I failed to reach yesterday. Until I get it right.