What Did I Do Before the Farmer’s Market?

Omaha Farmers Market

I love, love, looovve, the farmer’s market. It used to be what motivated me to get up on Sundays until I started back going to church. Now it’s my Saturday morning addiction.

The city of Omaha has some great farmer’s markets with even better prices and people. I always feel so at home when we go. Like I’m some kinda “one with the earth” type chick. It’s all cliches and stereotypes, I know. But I am here for it! Usually when we go, we end up grabbing some baked goods, three lemonades–strawberry, mango, and regular, and some vegetables just to say we didn’t come only for the lemonade and baked goods. 

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36 Lessons I Learned from “What I Know for Sure”

Lessons I learned from what I know for sure

According to my Goodreads account, I started reading What I Know for Sure by Oprah on August 10, 2015. I finished on June 6, 2016.

That’s almost an entire year of reading the same book. Admittedly, there were some months that I didn’t pick the book up at all. I would think about it and immediately push the thought from my mind. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the book; I actually loved it. It just felt so heavy and I didn’t feel like I was in a good place to actually accept and internalize the lessons that I knew were forthcoming.

What I Know For Sure is a guide; Oprah is a teacher

I haven’t always been a fan of Oprah’s. For some time, I regarded Oprah as someone I couldn’t relate to. She was far more enlightened than I and she had so. much. more than me. Those things are still true (I certainly don’t have “Oprah money”) but there’s still so much I can and did learn from her while reading What I Know for Sure.

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A Peaceful Week

Peaceful week

I almost had a mini breakdown recently. Like full on tears and everything. Dramatic, right?

I was lounging on the couch watching TV with Hubz, when it just hit me. The weight of my ever-growing, never-ending to do list hit me. And it hit hard. I tried to explain to my husband what was happening and why I was so overwhelmed with anxiety. He didn’t get it though. This, of course, made me wonder if something was actually wrong with me since it seemed that I was in this alone. I cried harder. There are just so many changes right now and so much that I don’t have control over. For a control freak like me, it’s absolutely maddening.

It’s not just right now though. For the last few months, I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting these little, mini panic attacks at the start of each week. Even before the move, there seemed to be something nagging at me each and every Sunday. The fact that I plan out each week ahead of time was helpful, but it didn’t seem to be enough. In fact, I actually started to get worried because I was doing all these things to make my life run smoother, but it just didn’t seem to be working.

Too many things will always be too many things

My family and I have been staying with my mom for about two weeks now. Me. A grownup woman with a family of her own moved back in with my mother. And it’s been heavenly. This time has really taught (or retaught) me about peacefulness and calm. Being here has reminded me what it feels like to just “be.” No amount of organizing and planning is going to fix what I’ve got going on when what I’ve got going on is too much. I want peaceful days, peaceful weeks, and a peaceful life so mentally decluttering and focusing on one thing at a time has been so beneficial.

Monday

Delegate. This is quickly becoming my favorite word. Trying to do it all is exhausting. J is at the age where she can take on some responsibility and put in some work around the house. Hubz is also not immune to pulling his weight. Superwoman don’t live here anymore, ya’ll. My mother is an excellent delegater, and seeing her action has reminded me of how family life should be: a team sport.

Tuesday

Don’t trip over dinner. These  past few weeks have been amazing if only because I haven’t had to think about dinner once. My mother has made sure that we eat good each and every night. She’s the real MVP. As our time here draws to an end though, I know that it won’t be long until I have to think about “what’s for dinner” once more…and it’s a topic that by and large brings me the most anxiety during the week. Outside of crock pot meals and my failed attempts at meal planning, I’ve found my greatest weapon against dinner anxiety to be restaurants where kids eat free, like Denny’s. At Denny’s, kids eat free every Tuesday with the purchase of an adult meal. What this means for me is that at least on Tuesdays, the dinner crisis is avoided. J can have her Jr. Cheeseburger and I can have my Grand Slam. Since Hubz usually works late on Wednesday, it’s the perfect set-up.

Dennys Kids Meal

Wednesday

Have some boundaries. Gosh, this is easier said than done. To have a peaceful week, though, (heck, a peaceful life!) I’ve learned that boundaries are non-negotiable. There are certain days where I just have to step back and say, “this fight is not mine.” Or other times when I have to check myself because I find that I’m doing more for the person than he/she is doing for themselves. And that’s not cool. Boundaries are literally lifesavers.

Thursday

Say no. “No is a complete sentence.” I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard my mother say this over the years and most recently, over the last few weeks. She is a serial “no” spitter, so much so that some people know not to even ask her for certain things and the ones who don’t soon learn. Having spent some time back under my mom’s wings, I’ve gotten better at saying “no” and sticking to it because I want people to respect my “no.” It’s not okay to negotiate my “no.” It is what it is and it brings so much peace to say it and be okay with it.

Friday

Don’t compare. I have a terrible habit of comparison, ya’ll. Just terrible. Usually at the end of the week, I look back over what I didn’t do as compared to what I *think* everybody else did do. It’s an ugly, ugly cycle that’s usually accompanied by feelings of inadequacy and FOMO. However, in order to be at peace where I am and to really mean it when I say that I’ve had a peaceful week, I had to let those feelings of comparison go. I am where I am and it’s a reason that I’m here. Comparison takes all that away because it minimizes you and your experiences.

How do you make sure to have a peaceful week?

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Podcasts for Women Who Love Personal Development

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I am podcast crazy right now. Just obsessed.

Since I’m still training at my new job, I spend a lot of time in my office reading policy, going through webinars, and reading/sending emails. This means I spend a lot of time sitting on my butt in silence. Normally, I pull out my trusty Samsung headphones (#TeamAndroid) and listen to my work playlist. Recently, though, I’ve started listening to podcast. And y’all, my world has been completely opened up. It’s nothing short of amazing, the gems in the podcast world.

Podcasts for Me

Now I know podcasts aren’t a new thing. Serial may have brought it to the mainstream, but believe me, podcast have been around for a long, long time. Still though, every day new, energetic folks join the podcasting community. What used to be a white man’s world, is now a world filled with diverse voices, both male and female, with diverse experiences and perspectives. And I swear it just gets richer and richer in content with every day that passes. I, of course, have found my people with the goal-setting, personal development, self-care, unicorn bunch. Most of these voices are those of women and I admit I haven’t done much in the way of seeking out men podcasters on these topics. At this time, though, I’m happy with who I’m listening to; I’ve gotten so much out of it.

So back to the goal-setting, personal development, self-care, unicorn bunch. My people, if you will. These women are excellent in what they do. Their advice is sound, their spirit is on point, and it’s obvious that they do what they do not out of obligation, but out of sheer desire to motivate change. Change in the way we think of ourselves, our talents, and our ambitions. Change in the way that we talk to ourselves and about ourselves. Y’all, I’m love with these podcasts.

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So…About Self Care

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So…about self care

It’s a struggle to take care of myself everyday. As a habitual helper and fixer, I spend precious hours of my time making sure that most, if not all of the people around me are taken care of. I honestly think that that was the underlying reason for me going into social work. I have an innate need to be needed.

All of this “save the world” stuff takes a toll on me though–as a person, a mother, a wife, and even in my career. Hubz has been very clear in that I just need to walk away and leave well enough alone. But I don’t think that he understands what that would mean for me internally. It’s like telling a chronic smoker to “put that cigarette down…forever.” Yeah, I know that smoking is bad and all, but do you really think I wouldn’t do it–that I wouldn’t put my cigarette of choice down–if I could, if it really were that easy?

Why we struggle with self-care

Not everybody struggles with self-care. Some people practice it completely and perfectly. We call those people “selfish” and we associate them with other words like “self-centered”. After many many years of being a fixer, I finally had to really analyze the information that was being spoon fed to me about those two words–selfish and self-centered. And after much thought, I just have to call it what it is: bullshit.

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Making the Best of a Mental Funk

Did you know you can highlight any sentence to automatically tweet it? Don’t be shy; give it a try.

I believe mental funks definitely have their place and are necessary for growth. So, I'll see you on the other side.

Right now I’m in the thick of something funky. I mean, it stinks to the high heavens up in here and there’s nothing I can do about it–but go through it, feel it, and learn from it.

I’ve been in this place for a few months now. If you haven’t noticed, things have slowed down a bit on the blog. In real life, my family and friends ask questions like, “Are you sure you’re okay? You know you can talk to me, right?” I do, but I won’t. Their concern is appreciated, but in a way, it’s misplaced. I’m okay. I am. I’m okay.

I have to make the best of where I am

Am I feeling the best that I’ve ever felt in my life? Absolutely not. Are there some days that I just wish for this all to be over? Absolutely, there are. Do I believe deep down that I have to go through this to come out better than I went in? There’s not a doubt in my mind. Before I really sat down and thought about how I was going to address this and how to best describe what I’m going through, I toyed around with the idea of a “how to get out of a mental funk” type post. But how can I advise someone on something I’ve haven’t done myself? That seems pretty imperious and inauthentic. “Here, do what I can’t do and even though it didn’t work for me, maybe it’ll work for you.” Nah. That’s not how I roll. What I can do though–genuinely and without hesitation–is share how I’m making the best of my mental funk.

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